CSI Indiana

It's 3 a.m. early Sunday morning. A scream bellows out from your daughter's bedroom. Lovingly you nudge your husband to go help her since she probably just had another nightmare and he's really good at calming her down. You start to drift back to your comfy dream when you hear your husband's voice on the monitor, "Oh my God..."

"Oh no," you think to yourself. She's sick and has thrown up everywhere. You pad back to her bedroom to find it COVERED in blood. The carpet, the sheets, the quilt, the stuffed animals. You are certain that someone has broken into your home and stabbed her. You run to the bathroom where your husband is calmly and furiously working to stop the blood. Your daughter's hands, face, pj's are COVERED in blood. Your husband has put a temporary bandage to stop the blood from flowing from the gash that is 1/2" from her eye. She is calm and about to tell you what has happened when she sees her reflection in the mirror. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Damn. Should have cleaned her up first. After you calm her down again, you find out that she rolled out of her bed and hit her head on the drawer (left open) on her nightstand. Stitches. Please say no.

Your husband loads her into the truck to take her to the ER. The doctors fall in love with her and ask her about her stuffed dog she's carrying"
"What's your dog's name?"
"Mugsy. But he's not real."
"Oh. Do you have any real dogs?"
"Yes. I have Harry, he's a puppy. But he's bigger than Bailey, our other dog."
"Wow! What kind of dog is Harry."
At which point your daughter looks at your husband and says, "No clue. You better handle this one."

She was very brave and they were able to fix her up using Dermabond (surgical super glue) with no needles required. Your husband and daughter arrive home at 6:30 a.m. Husband crashes. Daughter crashes. Other three kids wake up right on schedule. You start pinching yourself so that you wake up from this bizarre nightmare, but you realize that you are feeling the pinches and it's just another episode of CSI Indiana. Stay tuned for scenes from next week's episode.

i am such a loser

So pretty much a most wonderful thing happened today and I blew it. One of my best friends, Billie Sue, offered me an early birthday gift. She came over this morning and watched the girls all day so that I could go out and about by myself for some sanity time. I had a couple of days to plan some wonderful amazing things to do. What should I do? Movies? Shopping? Manicure? What?What? What? I drew a complete blank!!! I had a whole day to myself and I didn't know what to do!! What on earth is the matter with me?!!! And then to top it off, I missed the kids!! Irony. I tell you. Somedays it just bites you in the butt.

morrie and sonny

There are two invisible people running around my house. One seems to "pop" in after meals and snacks because the twins begin chanting simultaneously, "Morrie! Morrie!" And the other shows up sporadically while the twins are playing. "Da doo we da Sonny. You Sonny? I wuv oo doo Sonny!" I haven't seen these fellows, but I know they're there. I can't wait to find out all about these two once the twins speak a little more English and a little less Twinese.

growing up lolly

I love that my kids will have each other to lean on in their lives. I hope that I can instill in them a sense of family that they will grow to value. I grew up as an only child. And although it does provide a wonderful array of benefits and perks like having your tuition paid for and getting a car on your 16th birthday, it also has a tremendous amount of loneliness.

My parents both worked (owned their own businesses), so until I started school, I went to work with them or to the babysitter. After I started school, I went to work every weekend and summer and to the sitter's after school. I had to be very creative in finding ways to entertain myself. I started reading before kindergarten. I learned by watching Sesame Street and the Electric Company. Seriously. Books were a total escape for me. There happened to be a library branch in the shopping center in which our stores were located. I went everyday. It was my own little paradise. I would make up different scenarios in my head as I walked to the branch. I was a homeless child and this was my only place of warmth for the day. Or I was in college and I needed to go to the library to study. Or I was in a movie about a kid who spent her day in the library. Silly, I know. But it passed the time. I would spend hours in their. One time I fell asleep and the librarian woke me to tell me they were closing.

The library was closed on Wednesdays, so I would walk around the shopping center while Mom and Dad worked. This was after I had finished my chores at the stores: sweeping, stocking shelves, dusting, etc. There was a Baskins and Robbins, a sticker store, a pet store, Kmart, and the bank. They all knew me. I had spent countless hours in each. I always got a free ice cream cone at B & R if there were no other customers. I had a sticker collection too. So anytime I went into that store they would show me the latest scratch and sniff they just got in. I used to get to pet all the puppies in the pet store. It was really great until I had to put them back in the cage. I didn't like that part. Kmart honed my video game skills. They had the latest and greatest games with a station for trying everything out. I went there every morning and played for a couple of hours. I held the record for a year. The bank employees were my buddies. One woman, Stephanie, felt sorry for me and asked her manager if she could bring her daughter to work so that I would have a playmate. Her name was Tina. She was interesting. She taught me all the bad words and taught me how to shoplift. I never tried it. But, apparently this was how she entertained herself.

Looking back now, I realize that there were a lot of "pity play dates". Customers offering to take me for the day to play with their children. Even the folks that worked for Dad who had younger siblings arranged for playtime. It's odd now. But at the time, I was thrilled.

Perhaps this is why I've developed such a love for people. People are so interesting to me. After I meet someone who has left an impression, I think about them all the time. Like Professor Nwokah from Purdue. He was a boy who grew up in the bush in Africa. Some local missionaries raised enough money to send him to school and later to college in England. How cool is that? Or this amazing musician who could play any instrument incredibly and was so humble. He would play the guitar and it was like he was, I don't know, talking to it or something. Amazing. Or this gentleman at church who is dying from lung cancer, but he gets up everyday and helps people. He takes them to doctors appointments or to run errands because he still can. He isn't scared. He just believes that God still has him here because there's work to be done. His kids don't talk to him because they have their feelings hurt. I was sharing with him how my dad died and I'm so glad to have had the time with him that I did. He just smiled and said,"Well, I guess I'll be seeing him soon." I didn't know what else to say, so I said," Tell him I said hi." He hugged me and said,"I certainly will."

I love people.

clean bill of health

"You are cancer free." Perhaps the sweetest words ever uttered by an oncologist. I went with Mama today for her quarterly check up regarding her previous bout with breast cancer. Her onc gave her just about the best report you can ask for. He said she looked great and would be able to stop her meds in October. Isn't that incredible?! I love my Mama. She is without a doubt the bravest person I've ever known.

the golden package

A friend emailed this story to me today. It touched my heart and I wanted to share. It's from the United States Post Office:

"Our dog, Abbey, died Aug. 23, and the day after Abbey died, my 4 year old, Meredith, was SO upset. She wanted to write a letter to God so that God would recognize Abbey in heaven. She told me what to write, and I did. Then she put 2 pictures of Abbey in the envelope. We addressed it to God in Heaven, put two stamps on it (because, as she said, it could be a long way to heaven). We put our return address on it, and I let her put it in the drop box at the post office that afternoon. She was absolutely sure that letter would get to heaven, and I wasn't about to disillusion her. So today is Labor Day. We took the kids to the museum in Austin, and when we came home, there was a package wrapped in gold on our front porch. It was addressed to Mer. So, she took it inside and opened it. Inside was a book, When Your Pet Dies, by Mr. Rogers (Fred Rogers). On the front cover was the letter we had written to God, in its envelope (opened). On the opposite page was one of the pictures of Abbey taped on the page. On the back page was the other picture of Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper: "Dear Mer, I know that you will be happy to find out that Abbey arrived safely and soundly in heaven. Having the pictures you sent to me was a big help! I recognized Abbey right away! You know, Mer, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me (-just like it stays in your heart-) young and running and playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep things in-- so I am sending you your beautiful letter back with the pictures--so that you will have this little memory book to keep. One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope this little book will help. Thank you for your beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending it. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. God blesses you every day and remember, I love you very much. By the way, I am in heaven and everywhere there is love. Signed, God, and one of his special angels (who wrote this letter after God told HER the words)."

Don't you just want to find the person who went the extra mile for a sweet little girl who lost her dog? This story inspires to me to do random acts of kindness. Like, pay for the car behind me in the line at McDonalds. Or pay for the person ahead of me at the grocery story. Or mow the neighbors yard while they're at work. Or stop by a friend's house and take the kids for the evening so they can have some alone time--Oh wait. That's my fantasy......

Grammy's

I love music. I love the way it can take you back to 1983 singing Jack and Diane at a garage birthday party in the 6th grade. I love how it can make you cry, laugh, scream, tap your foot, shake your booty, or turn up the volume in the car when one of your favorite songs comes on the radio. I love how music is art. I love how music is literature. I love how music is poetry. I love how music is theatre. Music can set the perfect mood for however you are feeling today. When I am stressed, I listen to Bluegrass. When I am getting ready for a party, I listen to Frank Sinatra. Romantic; Harry Connick, Jr. Angry; Classic Rock. Sentimental; Norah Jones. Weepy; Dolly Parton. Relaxing; Jazz. Music is medicine for me. It heals my soul.

simple homework

So my son, Jack, had a homework assignment the other day. Each week they learn 5 new words and they do a different exercise with the words each day. Thursday he was required to use each word in a sentence. I didn't check his work. I only check his work when the teacher specifically asks that way he will learn to be responsible for himself. Anyway, each Friday his teacher sends home all the work they did for the week. Last night as I was going through his papers this is what I found:
************************************************************************
Use each of the following words in a sentence: careless, house, beautiful, how, like.

(Jack wrote the following)

1. I am careless.
2. I live in a big house.
3. My mom is very beautiful.
4. How did you do it?
5. I like them alot.
**************************************************************************

I was a little weepy over it. I tried to contain myself and went to ask Jack about it. I said," I saw your homework."
He smiled and said,"You did?"
"Yeah."
"Well, Mom, it's true. You are very beautiful."

Are you teary yet? Sons. They really love their mommies.

After a day like yesterday, I think God gives you moments like these to let you know that you're doing allright and love will always prevail.

calgon, take me away

So I woke up today in the typical fashion: screaming children. Such a lovely way really. Always puts you in the best of moods right out of the gate. Some of the highlights today was Lily slamming her sister Olivia's head in the dryer door. I can't make this stuff up. Poor thing bit her tongue and you know how much that hurts. Even right now as I'm trying to claim some alone time the twins are fighting and screaming and crying. I'm sure it's over something really important like, "she's touching me". Another lovely moment was the twins beating their sippy cups against the floor hard enough for the valve to fall out so that they could pour the milk from the cup all over the floor. Then there was Lily who decided to bathe all her dolls in the sink. Apparently water doesn't need to stay in the sink for the bath to take. It's only 2pm. Crap. I can only wonder what else my little blessings have in store for Mama. Because, of course, I don't have enough to do during the day what with the diaper changing and breakfast and lunch and loading everyone into the suburban to take Lily to school and doing 3 loads of laundry a day just to keep up and cleaning under the kitchen table for the 10th time because cheerios taste better down there and getting everyone dressed and redressed after they take off all the clothes that you just put on and then once Lily is actually dropped off at school, having to put the seatbelts from the carseats back on the twins because they've learned how to escape and putting their shoes and socks back on because apparently toes can become really hot in shoes when it's 26 degrees outside and cleaning the house and making beds and fixing dinner and helping with homework and balancing the checkbook and wondering where the hell all the money goes so fast and paying bills and wiping noses and coordinating stuff for a women's group I'm in at church (which usually has to wait until 10pm so I can do it in peace) and driving to cub scouts and driving to dance class and planning the weekly menu for 6 people and going grocery shopping with the twins while all well wishers offer their unsolicited advice and trying to manage everything by myself when my husband is out of town for the 1000th time and fretting over losing weight and not getting enough sleep and feeling inadequate and missing my dad and just wanting to take a bath because I haven't had the opportunity to bathe for 4 days for the love of God and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

People say (with love I'm sure), "You really need to make some time for yourself. It's not healthy." No freaking kidding. The irony in all of this is looking forward to having some alone time and realizing it won't come until all the kids have moved out and then missing them like hell. Geesh.

My first post

Welcome to momEscape. A true escape for moms. A place where it is safe to express what you're really feeling-not what you're expected to feel. For instance, when your daughter is throwing a tantrum and screams," I hate you! You're the worst mommy ever!!"; the right thing to do is say something like, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I love you no matter what." In the parallel universe known as momEscape, you may scream," Right back at you!!!!" And there will be no guilt associated with this response since the appropriate response was already submitted on earth. :)

So here I am warts and all. No masks. No holding back. Raw. Real. Truthful. Vulnerable. Mother.