joyful season of peace

I can't believe the Christmas season is already here. Every year it seems to just get here faster and faster. I think I saw ornaments in the stores before Halloween! We don't even have our tree up yet. Mostly due to the kids being sick and Doug's schedule. For the first time in years I am actually almost completely done with the Christmas shopping! This is a new personal record for me! It's hard to find time in between everyone's schedule to get out and about. Jack handed me his list for Santa. He wrote a nice letter and drew a picture and even wrote Santa a song. I was really tickled with his creativity. So I got on the ball and found two of his three items he had listed. I purchased them and hid them properly. Quite pleased with myself, I almost cried when he handed me a new list. I said, "What is this? I've already sent your letter to Santa." He simply smiled and said, "It's been revised!"
Good grief! Here I go again!
But, even in the craziness of gift buying and schedule juggling and doctor appointments, I am so thankful that I have loved ones to buy gifts for and beautiful children to drive hither and yon and good medical care that I can afford. Yep, I have a lot to be grateful for this year. I have a devoted husband and spunky kids and a healthy mom and amazing friends who know just when I need a hug. Yep, this season while we are hustling and bustling, it will never be far from my heart just how blessed I am. I have a lot to be thankful for. And I am grateful, truly grateful.

the dream

There's a new voice in heaven tonight. My father's lifelong dream has finally come to fruition. Can you hear it? The amazing tenors singing in beautiful harmony as the heavenly choirs join in chorus. Dad sang in the opera when I was a little girl. I grew up listening to the effortless voice of Luciano Pavarotti. One of my fondest memories is listening to Dad sing with Pavarotti as we drove to work on Saturday mornings. Pavarotti was Dad's vocal hero. And now, now he will have his perfect dream and sing from the top of his lungs with the voice that he treasured. I can almost hear it now if I listen really hard..."Vincera! Vincera! Vincera!!!"

the silver cup

This year the chair of the Kentucky State Fair Wine Judging honored my Dad by awarding the Dave Streckfus Silver Cup to the finest Cabernet Sauvignon. He asked me to present the award today. Usually, it's the parents who get to stand on the sidelines and cheer on their children. Today, it was my privilege to cheer on my parents. It was one of the coolest experiences of my life. My Mom was a total celebrity. The winners were literally thanking Mom after they would win. Winemakers has been in business for 35 years and as I scanned across the crowd, I realized that Mom and Dad probably helped get most of them started. I was so proud and completely overwhelmed with love and pride for my folks. And it all started with the little shop that could...

every rose has it's thorn

Know You Grew Up In the 80's if:

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.

2. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton

3. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom

4. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"

5. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

6. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

7. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. !

8. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

9. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)

10. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

11. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"

12. You wanted to be a Goonie.

13. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)

14. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.

15. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

16. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.

17. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

18. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.

19. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

20. Jo, Blair, Tootie and Natalie were your best friends and you wanted to enroll at Eastland.

21. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.

22. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"

23. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"

24. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inlineskates.

25. You have ever played with a Skip-It.

26. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulderlike you were all that.

27. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.

28. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

29. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

30. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"

31. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.

32. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

33. You just sang those words to yourself.

34. You still sing "We are the World"

35. You tight rolled your jeans.

36. You owned a bannana clip.

37. You remember "Where's the Beef?"

38. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"

39. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren'tyou!

in memoriam

frank david streckfus

august 14, 1937 - july 28, 2006

because i said so

Someone sent me this clip and I am still laughing my "@%$" off! Enjoy!!

http://www.youtube. com/watch? v=VlY8STkhopc

vincera!

this is my favorite aria ever. probably because it evokes memories of dad singing it at the top of his lungs with luciano pavarotti while we drove to work on saturday mornings. but this sweet fellow in this clip has more heart than luciano could ever hope for. i hope it touches your heart. blessings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaJDcgpDjH8

something's gotta give

and so i sit. alone. again. you'd think that i would get used to it. but no such luck. and maybe that's a good thing. i reckon if you get used to it, then things would be even worse. even now a two year old screams at me because i'm not meeting her every whimsical demand. more water. i want milk. give me that dolly. then there's the six year old who constantly reminds me that i'm the worst mother in the world. and i am. i made her go to bed. i made her brush her teeth. simply awful.
sometimes i sit and wonder how i got here. everything seems to have swirled me by. not that i mind where i am. i just need to check out every now and again. there's only so much blood curling screams one can take. only so many poopy diapers one can change (32,850 diapers so far). only so many days one can do this alone.
people jokingly ask how i do this day in and day out. the truth is, i have no idea. i pull myself out of bed each morning and pour myself into bed each night. then they want to know if i'm on medication. i've thought about. especially after last year's bid of woe. but truthfully, i don't think it would help my situation. i want my husband home. it's that simple. sometimes i want him so badly i can taste his kiss. smell his aftershave. feel his touch. then i wake up.
the kids miss him too. jack is having trouble controlling his temper. he's angry that his dad's not home. lily blames me. i let her. i'd rather her resent me than her dad. girls can't stay mad at their mom, but they carry the wounds of their fathers forever. the twins are feisty. they've started fighting dirty with each other. pulling hair. scratching. throwing toys. i feel simply out of control.
all my life i've tried so hard to do things right. make everyone happy. take care of my folks. please them. straight a's. engineer. white picket fence; dear abby to my friends. listen. love. support; devoted wife. devoted mother. for better or worse. in sickness and in health. richer or poorer.
sometimes i feel like such a fraud. i have to put on the face of the good mom. but the truth is, i'm just winging it. praying that i don't screw them up too badly. and hoping that i don't lose too much more of myself in the process.
what's the secret? how do you do it all? how do you give as much as you need to give and possibly have anything left over?
i could go back to work. but then i'd have to put the kids in daycare and i don't feel good about that. then i'd have to rush to get them there, rush to pick them up, rush to make dinner, give bathes, tuck into bed. and with doug's traveling schedule, i'd be flying solo anyway. and i'm not sure that the 8 hours of sanity would out weigh the rest of the crazed day. it would just add more stress and eventually cause resentment and i can't live with that. but i can't do this either. i'm stressed. i'm weary. i cry alot. alot. at night. in the shower. on the rare instances when i'm alone in the car. i can't let the kids see me. it's not fair to put this on them. i can't let mom see me. she's too fragile. my friends carry their own burdens: miscarriages, crappy husbands, special needs children, stressful jobs, sick parents, school events, summer sports. they don't need anything else on their plate. so here's my cathardic attempt at self therapy. something's gotta give.
something's gotta give.

mambo italiano

So I had this pretty cool opportunity fall into my lap the other day. A good family friend, David, emailed to ask if I'd be interested in teaching an adult continuing education class for Beginning Italian. I am soooooooooo excited about this!! I haven't been in the work force for quite some time so I'll probably be a little rusty, but will make up for it with homemade Italian treats for my class. I will teach on Tuesday nights this fall at a local high school in Louisville. The pay is really good, but most of all, I will get to have ADULT CONVERSATION!!! (can you hear the angels singing?) Woohooo!!

the home of the brave

This Memorial Day, I want to remember those that have served this country and those that are currently serving. Whether it's in the form of a firefighter, a police officer, a soldier, a teacher, a nurse, a volunteer. A heart for serving others is truly a great thing. What a gift... indeed.

http://www.flashdem o.net/gallery/ wake/index. htm

girls girls girls

Children are an absolute blessing-at least most days. And I truly love each one of my kids. They are each amazing in their own rite. That being said, what on earth was God thinking when he gave me not 1, not 2, but 3 girls?!!!!!! I honestly don't know how much more I can take!!!

Blue crayon all over the back of my new sofa, one gallon of apple juice poured all over the kitchen the kitchen floor oozing under the fridge and behind the cabinets (love those ants), sharpie body art, throwing fits, throwing objects, throwing each other, hiding in the dryer, not going to bed and getting up for the 1000th time to ask what a coupon is, screaming "I hate you"...., and the incessant talking and talking and talking and talking...ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

There is only so much one person can take. I NEVER told my mom I hated her. I remember thinking it in my head when I would get really angry, but I never dreamed of actually saying it. What do you do when you realize that your 6 year old daughter doesn't care if she hurts your feelings. She doesn't care if she hurts her baby sisters. She doesn't care. It's so scary for me as a mom to think that she isn't understanding the difference between right and wrong-or worse, she doesn't care. She is very sneaky and smart and beautiful and she knows it. Oh, if only I can harness this for good and not evil.

On the bright side, maybe she'll be an amazing attorney, what with her propensity for arguing and such, and take care of her aging parents. Or shove us in a home to drool on ourselves. Ah, the possibilities.

Greensburg, Kansas

When I go to sleep tonight in my bed, in my house, with my family close by, safe and sound... I will be grateful.

http://www.kansas.com/static/slides/050507tornadoaerials/

they're coming down the stretch...

So I fully expected to have some seriously weepy moments after losing my Dad. Like at Christmas when Mom gave me the perfume that Dad gave me every year. Or not getting the early morning call on my birthday so that he could be the first to wish me a happy birthday. And I wept and wept and moved on.

But Derby Day? It hit me out of the blue. Ever since I was little we would cut out the horses' names from the paper, put them in a hat and draw horses for everyone in the family. A tradition for the Streckfus family. Last year I drew Barbaro. We watched the Derby together as a family from Dad's hospital room. He was having complications and had been hospitalized. So since he couldn't come to Derby, we brought Derby to him. He was so excited when my horse won. I never win the Derby. Never. So Barbaro was pretty special to us.

So there I was Saturday evening, watching the Derby with Doug and the kids this year and I was completely overcome with emotion. The commentators kept referring to Barbaro and his remarkable run and of course his tragic end. It was absolutely too much. I just excused myself to go take a shower and collapsed in the tub. I sobbed until my eyes were dry. I sobbed until I choked. I sobbed until the water turned cold. And then I dried off, put on my pjs, and walked back out into the family room with Doug and the kids and portrayed the perfect mom. Business as usual...until the next time.

$138,000

If a stay at home mom were paid for her work, she would earn $138,000 per year. At least that's what the latest survey of salaries states. I disagree. If I could break down the duties performed by the typical stay at home mom it would go something like this:

• Personal Chef: $60,000


• Housekeeper: $24,000


• Chauffeur: $50,000


• Medic: $30,000


• Laundry Service: $12,000


• Accountant: $36,000


• Family Counselor: $50,000


• Childcare Giver: $20,000


• Tutor: $ 7,000


• Photographer: $20,000


• Party Planner: $10,000


• Pet Keeper: $ 5,000

Grand Total: $324,000

Watching my children's first steps, hearing their first words: "Priceless"

a day in the life of twins...

So there I was doing dishes for the tenth time that day and I noticed that the twins had disappeared. So I called for them and heard a noise in the laundry room. When I went to check it out, I thought I heard something in the dryer. No it couldn't be... About that time Olivia pushes the door open FROM THE INSIDE OF THE DRYER! As I was scolding her (and grabbing for my camera to capture the moment on film), she just smiled really big and then Sophia pops out from behind her and says, "Hi Mama!" Just a typical day in the life of twins. Welcome to my world...

out of the mouthes of babes

Having a bunch of children is such a blessing in my life because I grew up as an only child. The girls, I understand because I am one. My boy, however, has created a whole area of continuing education. He's playing baseball this year-machine pitch. He is a Houston Astro. Pretty darn cute. The Little League provides his uniform shirt, hat and socks. We were required to purchase his pants, belt, shoes, and uh...cup. This was new for me. So off we go to Dick's Sporting Goods (named appropriately enough) to purchase our baseball needs. I had no idea what to get in the ol' cup department. So naturally I asked for help from a sales clerk-who was maybe 12 years old himself. With a straight face he asks me, "what size?" Uh... he's eight years old. I don't know. "Small?" Sure. Sounds good.

So we make our way home with our purchases and all is well. The season starts. We have our first game. Since he only has one uniform shirt, I have to do laundry after each game. Then there's the uh..cup. So I ask Doug, "Do you throw it in the laundry?" He told me that I could wash it by hand or throw it in the dishwasher. GROSS! I'm not putting it with our dishes. So I laid it on the counter to wash by hand later when I had a chance. Bad move. As I'm putting the clothes in the washer, Lily comes running down the hall, "Look, Mommy, it's Jack's pee-pee platter. You forgot it!" Oh thank you Lil, what would I do without you and the now infamous "pee-pee platter". Cup, platter, I guess dishes are dishes. And I hate doing the dishes...

too cute for words

Olivia was having some problems with her left eye. It was turning in a little. We took her to the doc and he says that she has a lazy left eye and is slightly far sighted. We're hoping to correct it with glasses but if that doesn't work, she might need surgery. Isn't she just the cutest darn thing you ever saw?!

orgasmic organic

With such a big family and a single income, I run a pretty tight budget ship. My goal is to feed my family of 6 for $400 per month (not including diapers and wipes). Considering that 15% of that is milk (we go through a gallon per day), that only leaves me a little over $300 for food, house, toiletries, etc. I sit down every Sunday evening and plan our meals for the coming week and write a grocery list. Then on Monday after dropping Lily off to school, the twins and I head out to shop.

The biggest challenge I have is making sure that we are eating as healthy as possible. I am a huge proponent of whole grains, lean meats, healthy fats like olive oil and avacados, fresh fruits and veggies and healthy dairy stuff like yogurt and lowfat milk. I have decided that I will no longer purchase things if I can't pronounce all the ingredients. I refuse to put any more partially hydrogenated polysorbate80 on our table!!!

This vow, however, has caused a problem in my budget. The problem is that if you want to eat healthy you almost always pay more. Damn! So I have been as frugle as can be and then.... I was shopping at Meijers and discovered that they have their own generic organic brand!!! Yippee skippee!!

I'ts really good!! They have organic graham crackers, ice cream, cheese crackers, chicken stock, cage free eggs, flour, milk--you name it!!!! And it's 98% affordable for people like me!!! The milk is about $3.50 for 1/2 gallon, so that doesn't fit our budget yet, but still!! How exciting to be able to buy fun wholesome snacks, create tasty wholesome meals, and have happy kids!! I know, I know, I am starting to sound like Carol Brady or Mrs. Beaver, but I don't care because it feels so good to be able to take such good care of my family!!! (even on a budget!)

my day

breakfast: Cheerios all around. The twins decided to dump their bowls onto their chairs. sigh

lunch: pb&j's all around. The twins finished while I was in the potty and did you know that peanut butter is an excellent finger paint? It is. sigh.

nap time: hahaha. we don't need no stinking naps. sigh.

afternoon: Jack says," Hey Mom, there's a puddle over here under the coffee table." I go to investigate. Turns out that one of the twins hid her sippy cup in the coffee table drawer and it had been in there long enough for the milk to separate and slowly leak through the drawer onto the floor. sigh.

supper: Chicken, lima beans, sweet potatoes, and salad. Did you know that sweet potatoes make an excellent finger paint? sigh.

evening: Great. Harry got out of the fence. Oh shoot. What's he doing over there? "Harry! Harry! Come here, boy!" Oh no, is that...? It is. Crap. Another cute fuzzy creature bites the dust. I'd like to tell you that it was a rabbit or squirrel, but honestly I couldn't say for sure. He was so proud that as he came barrelling toward me he left some of it on my shoe. sigh.

Another day in the life of a full time mom.
Heavy sigh...

phlegm

Ah the joy of coughing and being coughed on and mucused on and snotted on and germed on and on and on...

Jack had bronchitis last week and was kind enough to give it to his parents. And if that wasn't enough, Lily and Sophia managed to catch a virus that caused temperatures up to 104!!!! Poor things! Olivia, however is happy as a clam running around distributing blankets and various other forms of comfort like teddy bears and My Little Ponies.

It's 72 degrees outside and we're all stuck inside miserable! I hate being sick, but I hate seeing my babies so miserable even worse. I can't wait for summer!!!!

the suffocating void

Last week my friend, Dylan, lost his dad. His dad had a liver disorder that would have required a transplant in years to come. It was serious, but fixable. He began having problems with his gall bladder and went in to have it removed. During the surgery, the doctors discovered he had stage 4 lymphoma. Three weeks later, he was gone.

It was so hard to see someone else lose their dad. Not because of "reliving" a really difficult time, but rather seeing someone you care about in pain. Knowing what he was going through and what he will go through. I just wanted to hold him and make him feel better.

But I coudn't. It's just something we all have to go through in time.

I want to tell him that you will walk around in a haze for weeks. That you will see something really funny and pick up the phone to call your dad, and then remember he's not there. The suffocating void. You will miss his presence in ways never imagined. You will instantly become your mother's biggest protector. You will be blindsided when your son looks up at you and says, "Mom, is Dad going to die someday?" You will look at your beautiful children and realize that they too will someday go through this pain and you can't stop it. As a parent, you don't have time to grieve. Life doesn't stop. And so you will learn to allow your tears to fall alone in the shower or in the car or in the middle of the night when you can't sleep. Your dad's favorite movie will be on TV and you can't help but watch it through to the end, even though it bored you to tears weeks before. You hear a song on the radio and you collapse. You see that the world around you goes on as before and you just want to shout, "Wait a minute! Just wait one minute, please! I can't breathe! I can't breathe! Stop!" But, but no one hears you. It's as if you're in the nightmare where you are running as fast as you can and everything is in slow motion and you're going nowhere fast.

But, then one morning you wake up and you see a buttlerfly outside your window and hope is restored. You begin to see the beauty in a sunset like never before. Your little girl winks for the first time and you're convinced that a little "angel" taught her. You find yourself telling stories about your dad and celebrating his life. Remembering all the wonderful times you had together. The gift is, all the hard times are now very fuzzy and faint and really don't matter any more. Every picture is a treasure, every birthday card a blessing.

You survive. Amazingly, you survive.

CSI Indiana

It's 3 a.m. early Sunday morning. A scream bellows out from your daughter's bedroom. Lovingly you nudge your husband to go help her since she probably just had another nightmare and he's really good at calming her down. You start to drift back to your comfy dream when you hear your husband's voice on the monitor, "Oh my God..."

"Oh no," you think to yourself. She's sick and has thrown up everywhere. You pad back to her bedroom to find it COVERED in blood. The carpet, the sheets, the quilt, the stuffed animals. You are certain that someone has broken into your home and stabbed her. You run to the bathroom where your husband is calmly and furiously working to stop the blood. Your daughter's hands, face, pj's are COVERED in blood. Your husband has put a temporary bandage to stop the blood from flowing from the gash that is 1/2" from her eye. She is calm and about to tell you what has happened when she sees her reflection in the mirror. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Damn. Should have cleaned her up first. After you calm her down again, you find out that she rolled out of her bed and hit her head on the drawer (left open) on her nightstand. Stitches. Please say no.

Your husband loads her into the truck to take her to the ER. The doctors fall in love with her and ask her about her stuffed dog she's carrying"
"What's your dog's name?"
"Mugsy. But he's not real."
"Oh. Do you have any real dogs?"
"Yes. I have Harry, he's a puppy. But he's bigger than Bailey, our other dog."
"Wow! What kind of dog is Harry."
At which point your daughter looks at your husband and says, "No clue. You better handle this one."

She was very brave and they were able to fix her up using Dermabond (surgical super glue) with no needles required. Your husband and daughter arrive home at 6:30 a.m. Husband crashes. Daughter crashes. Other three kids wake up right on schedule. You start pinching yourself so that you wake up from this bizarre nightmare, but you realize that you are feeling the pinches and it's just another episode of CSI Indiana. Stay tuned for scenes from next week's episode.

i am such a loser

So pretty much a most wonderful thing happened today and I blew it. One of my best friends, Billie Sue, offered me an early birthday gift. She came over this morning and watched the girls all day so that I could go out and about by myself for some sanity time. I had a couple of days to plan some wonderful amazing things to do. What should I do? Movies? Shopping? Manicure? What?What? What? I drew a complete blank!!! I had a whole day to myself and I didn't know what to do!! What on earth is the matter with me?!!! And then to top it off, I missed the kids!! Irony. I tell you. Somedays it just bites you in the butt.

morrie and sonny

There are two invisible people running around my house. One seems to "pop" in after meals and snacks because the twins begin chanting simultaneously, "Morrie! Morrie!" And the other shows up sporadically while the twins are playing. "Da doo we da Sonny. You Sonny? I wuv oo doo Sonny!" I haven't seen these fellows, but I know they're there. I can't wait to find out all about these two once the twins speak a little more English and a little less Twinese.

growing up lolly

I love that my kids will have each other to lean on in their lives. I hope that I can instill in them a sense of family that they will grow to value. I grew up as an only child. And although it does provide a wonderful array of benefits and perks like having your tuition paid for and getting a car on your 16th birthday, it also has a tremendous amount of loneliness.

My parents both worked (owned their own businesses), so until I started school, I went to work with them or to the babysitter. After I started school, I went to work every weekend and summer and to the sitter's after school. I had to be very creative in finding ways to entertain myself. I started reading before kindergarten. I learned by watching Sesame Street and the Electric Company. Seriously. Books were a total escape for me. There happened to be a library branch in the shopping center in which our stores were located. I went everyday. It was my own little paradise. I would make up different scenarios in my head as I walked to the branch. I was a homeless child and this was my only place of warmth for the day. Or I was in college and I needed to go to the library to study. Or I was in a movie about a kid who spent her day in the library. Silly, I know. But it passed the time. I would spend hours in their. One time I fell asleep and the librarian woke me to tell me they were closing.

The library was closed on Wednesdays, so I would walk around the shopping center while Mom and Dad worked. This was after I had finished my chores at the stores: sweeping, stocking shelves, dusting, etc. There was a Baskins and Robbins, a sticker store, a pet store, Kmart, and the bank. They all knew me. I had spent countless hours in each. I always got a free ice cream cone at B & R if there were no other customers. I had a sticker collection too. So anytime I went into that store they would show me the latest scratch and sniff they just got in. I used to get to pet all the puppies in the pet store. It was really great until I had to put them back in the cage. I didn't like that part. Kmart honed my video game skills. They had the latest and greatest games with a station for trying everything out. I went there every morning and played for a couple of hours. I held the record for a year. The bank employees were my buddies. One woman, Stephanie, felt sorry for me and asked her manager if she could bring her daughter to work so that I would have a playmate. Her name was Tina. She was interesting. She taught me all the bad words and taught me how to shoplift. I never tried it. But, apparently this was how she entertained herself.

Looking back now, I realize that there were a lot of "pity play dates". Customers offering to take me for the day to play with their children. Even the folks that worked for Dad who had younger siblings arranged for playtime. It's odd now. But at the time, I was thrilled.

Perhaps this is why I've developed such a love for people. People are so interesting to me. After I meet someone who has left an impression, I think about them all the time. Like Professor Nwokah from Purdue. He was a boy who grew up in the bush in Africa. Some local missionaries raised enough money to send him to school and later to college in England. How cool is that? Or this amazing musician who could play any instrument incredibly and was so humble. He would play the guitar and it was like he was, I don't know, talking to it or something. Amazing. Or this gentleman at church who is dying from lung cancer, but he gets up everyday and helps people. He takes them to doctors appointments or to run errands because he still can. He isn't scared. He just believes that God still has him here because there's work to be done. His kids don't talk to him because they have their feelings hurt. I was sharing with him how my dad died and I'm so glad to have had the time with him that I did. He just smiled and said,"Well, I guess I'll be seeing him soon." I didn't know what else to say, so I said," Tell him I said hi." He hugged me and said,"I certainly will."

I love people.

clean bill of health

"You are cancer free." Perhaps the sweetest words ever uttered by an oncologist. I went with Mama today for her quarterly check up regarding her previous bout with breast cancer. Her onc gave her just about the best report you can ask for. He said she looked great and would be able to stop her meds in October. Isn't that incredible?! I love my Mama. She is without a doubt the bravest person I've ever known.

the golden package

A friend emailed this story to me today. It touched my heart and I wanted to share. It's from the United States Post Office:

"Our dog, Abbey, died Aug. 23, and the day after Abbey died, my 4 year old, Meredith, was SO upset. She wanted to write a letter to God so that God would recognize Abbey in heaven. She told me what to write, and I did. Then she put 2 pictures of Abbey in the envelope. We addressed it to God in Heaven, put two stamps on it (because, as she said, it could be a long way to heaven). We put our return address on it, and I let her put it in the drop box at the post office that afternoon. She was absolutely sure that letter would get to heaven, and I wasn't about to disillusion her. So today is Labor Day. We took the kids to the museum in Austin, and when we came home, there was a package wrapped in gold on our front porch. It was addressed to Mer. So, she took it inside and opened it. Inside was a book, When Your Pet Dies, by Mr. Rogers (Fred Rogers). On the front cover was the letter we had written to God, in its envelope (opened). On the opposite page was one of the pictures of Abbey taped on the page. On the back page was the other picture of Abbey, and this handwritten note on pink paper: "Dear Mer, I know that you will be happy to find out that Abbey arrived safely and soundly in heaven. Having the pictures you sent to me was a big help! I recognized Abbey right away! You know, Mer, she isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me (-just like it stays in your heart-) young and running and playing. Abbey loved being your dog, you know. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep things in-- so I am sending you your beautiful letter back with the pictures--so that you will have this little memory book to keep. One of my angels is taking care of this for me. I hope this little book will help. Thank you for your beautiful letter. Thank your mother for sending it. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. God blesses you every day and remember, I love you very much. By the way, I am in heaven and everywhere there is love. Signed, God, and one of his special angels (who wrote this letter after God told HER the words)."

Don't you just want to find the person who went the extra mile for a sweet little girl who lost her dog? This story inspires to me to do random acts of kindness. Like, pay for the car behind me in the line at McDonalds. Or pay for the person ahead of me at the grocery story. Or mow the neighbors yard while they're at work. Or stop by a friend's house and take the kids for the evening so they can have some alone time--Oh wait. That's my fantasy......

Grammy's

I love music. I love the way it can take you back to 1983 singing Jack and Diane at a garage birthday party in the 6th grade. I love how it can make you cry, laugh, scream, tap your foot, shake your booty, or turn up the volume in the car when one of your favorite songs comes on the radio. I love how music is art. I love how music is literature. I love how music is poetry. I love how music is theatre. Music can set the perfect mood for however you are feeling today. When I am stressed, I listen to Bluegrass. When I am getting ready for a party, I listen to Frank Sinatra. Romantic; Harry Connick, Jr. Angry; Classic Rock. Sentimental; Norah Jones. Weepy; Dolly Parton. Relaxing; Jazz. Music is medicine for me. It heals my soul.

simple homework

So my son, Jack, had a homework assignment the other day. Each week they learn 5 new words and they do a different exercise with the words each day. Thursday he was required to use each word in a sentence. I didn't check his work. I only check his work when the teacher specifically asks that way he will learn to be responsible for himself. Anyway, each Friday his teacher sends home all the work they did for the week. Last night as I was going through his papers this is what I found:
************************************************************************
Use each of the following words in a sentence: careless, house, beautiful, how, like.

(Jack wrote the following)

1. I am careless.
2. I live in a big house.
3. My mom is very beautiful.
4. How did you do it?
5. I like them alot.
**************************************************************************

I was a little weepy over it. I tried to contain myself and went to ask Jack about it. I said," I saw your homework."
He smiled and said,"You did?"
"Yeah."
"Well, Mom, it's true. You are very beautiful."

Are you teary yet? Sons. They really love their mommies.

After a day like yesterday, I think God gives you moments like these to let you know that you're doing allright and love will always prevail.

calgon, take me away

So I woke up today in the typical fashion: screaming children. Such a lovely way really. Always puts you in the best of moods right out of the gate. Some of the highlights today was Lily slamming her sister Olivia's head in the dryer door. I can't make this stuff up. Poor thing bit her tongue and you know how much that hurts. Even right now as I'm trying to claim some alone time the twins are fighting and screaming and crying. I'm sure it's over something really important like, "she's touching me". Another lovely moment was the twins beating their sippy cups against the floor hard enough for the valve to fall out so that they could pour the milk from the cup all over the floor. Then there was Lily who decided to bathe all her dolls in the sink. Apparently water doesn't need to stay in the sink for the bath to take. It's only 2pm. Crap. I can only wonder what else my little blessings have in store for Mama. Because, of course, I don't have enough to do during the day what with the diaper changing and breakfast and lunch and loading everyone into the suburban to take Lily to school and doing 3 loads of laundry a day just to keep up and cleaning under the kitchen table for the 10th time because cheerios taste better down there and getting everyone dressed and redressed after they take off all the clothes that you just put on and then once Lily is actually dropped off at school, having to put the seatbelts from the carseats back on the twins because they've learned how to escape and putting their shoes and socks back on because apparently toes can become really hot in shoes when it's 26 degrees outside and cleaning the house and making beds and fixing dinner and helping with homework and balancing the checkbook and wondering where the hell all the money goes so fast and paying bills and wiping noses and coordinating stuff for a women's group I'm in at church (which usually has to wait until 10pm so I can do it in peace) and driving to cub scouts and driving to dance class and planning the weekly menu for 6 people and going grocery shopping with the twins while all well wishers offer their unsolicited advice and trying to manage everything by myself when my husband is out of town for the 1000th time and fretting over losing weight and not getting enough sleep and feeling inadequate and missing my dad and just wanting to take a bath because I haven't had the opportunity to bathe for 4 days for the love of God and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

People say (with love I'm sure), "You really need to make some time for yourself. It's not healthy." No freaking kidding. The irony in all of this is looking forward to having some alone time and realizing it won't come until all the kids have moved out and then missing them like hell. Geesh.

My first post

Welcome to momEscape. A true escape for moms. A place where it is safe to express what you're really feeling-not what you're expected to feel. For instance, when your daughter is throwing a tantrum and screams," I hate you! You're the worst mommy ever!!"; the right thing to do is say something like, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, but I love you no matter what." In the parallel universe known as momEscape, you may scream," Right back at you!!!!" And there will be no guilt associated with this response since the appropriate response was already submitted on earth. :)

So here I am warts and all. No masks. No holding back. Raw. Real. Truthful. Vulnerable. Mother.